I signed up for this

This is what I signed up for.

I just didn’t realize how hard it would be.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom; I wanted to have 3 kids, stay home with them, and work part-time teaching piano and voice lessons. I have achieved my goals for this part of my life.

But this morning, as the puppy was nipping everyone in sight and barking, as the baby was crying every time I put her down, as my sweet 3 year-old was begging to get my attention and I was trying to get the laundry and dishes done while getting ready to go to my desperately needed work-out, I just wanted to run away. Even more so, this evening when my baby threw up all over herself and her carseat.

I finally understood those people who just walk away from their wonderful lives, whom I’ve always said must be crazy. Who just start over in the most selfish of ways. I didn’t realize how much of myself I would have to sacrifice for these three people whom God, my husband, and I wanted to bring into the world. Almost every part of my life is infringed upon by being a mother: sleep, career, social life, money, my own body (with pregnancy, nursing, and the constant hanging), even whether I get to eat lunch sitting down, or standing up while fixing everyone else’s.

And just when I start to wallow in this realization, I remember, “I signed up for this.” And then comes the guilt and disillusionment at the discovery that I, even for a moment, wanted to walk away from them. That I’m not thankful for every moment spent with them, and the priviledge of doing what I’ve always dreamed. Actually, I have to go feed them dinner right now, so I will have to continue this journal entry later…

Back… After a night’s sleep and a lot of payer, I have a new perspective. I am getting just a glimps of what Jesus felt while He walked the earth. His entire purpose in coming here was to give himself up for his creation. Each time He ate, drank, slept, taught, was tempted, performed miracles, he knew that he would ultimately die a horrible death so we could be reconciled to God. He was pleased to do it. How thankful I am that He did, because now, when I am at my breaking point, I can come to Him directly, express what I’m feeling, and ask Him to change me. He is so faithful to do just that, and I am blessed! (How’s that for a mood swing! I love being a woman!)

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About Sarah Pinnix

I'm a mom, blogger, vlogger, libertarian. I love Jesus, and my husband, too. Social Media Strategist for a Non-Profit (All statements here are solely my own)

Comments

  1. Hey, Sarah! Ben Cotten here.

    I can totally relate! Though I “signed up” for this too, sometimes having 3 kids (2 of them under 2yrs old), a full time job, wife, and side business gets a tad overwhelming.

    And in all of it, I have to make sure I’m not slowly wedging God out of my life. Not easy.

    [Reply]

  2. Hey…man, Ben beat me to it! Great entry…and oh so true! It is nice to see someone else feels the same way and get some great perspective on it. Can’t wait to read more!

    [Reply]

  3. carey and pat says:

    You go girl. Keep up the good work!

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  4. if i had known that all of this was what i was signing up for….

    (hesitant pause)
    nah, i’da still done it! :0)

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  5. Anonymous says:

    Sarah, my Daughter, I love this….Mom

    [Reply]

  6. Belladonna says:

    My perspective is a little bit different. Sometimes I find myself kicking and whining because circumstances seem to have led me to some situation I absolutely did NOT sign up for, did NOT want, but nevertheless – there I am.

    Either way, whether we are living the live we chose and longed for or found ourself thrust into some other path, for me the trick is to see God’s hand in every moment and to remember that with God ALL things can be used for good. Even things that are less than desirable or those that are down right deplorable. Through it all He creates miracles in each of our lives – whether we are wiping noses or doing battle in the world in other ways.

    Last year I had an opportunity to stand on Mt. Sinai for some serious spiritual pondering. I had the most amazing experience revealing to me how much the Savior KNOWS each one of us, KNOWS exactly what we need, what we are capable of, how we can best grow.

    But He normally doesn’t dance into my life with thunderbolts and big flashy miracles. No, instead he sends babies or grouchy neighbors or work situations or weather or whatever else is at hand to TEACH and LEAD and GUIDE me. My job is simply to WAKE UP and recognize that truly His hand is in ALL things.

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  7. It’s wicked hard stuff, being a Mom. Rewarding and beautiful some days and stressing and overwhelming others.

    Nell

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