Sometimes you just need people to care that you’re there.

I’ve been at a crossroads in my life for the past year and a half. Transitioning from stay-at-home-mom to work-at-home-mom to working-out-of-the-home mom has been difficult on many levels.

The first challenge was becoming the logistics coordinator for five very busy people. At home, I could be flexible during the day in order to make sure everyone showed up in the right place at the right time. I am now beholden to others whom I can’t really repay, my husband and friends, to help transport and supervise my kids when I can’t get to them.  My husband has always been an involved father, but those two hours after school when we’re both working are the most difficult. I think we almost have a handle on providing food for the family. I’ve been doing meal plans and prep work on Sundays and tag teaming with Judd.

I expected these changes, every working mom’s blog talks about how to navigate these areas.

I didn’t expect the loneliness I feel.

Oh, I’m having a great time professionally, working with a team of people – I really missed that camaraderie being self-employed at home. But with working full-time I’ve lost the time to invest in relationships outside of work. I deeply miss the friends I used to talk to every day, meet at the park, or eat lunch with at Chick-fil-A with the kids in the play area.  I feel guilty that I don’t call them enough, spend enough time with them, even Facebook them – because when I get home I usually don’t want to look at a computer.

Yesterday, I broke down and cried. Hard. I discovered a gathering of people I consider friends to which I was not invited. Some of those people walked out of a room I was in to go to the gathering.  I guess it didn’t cross their minds to ask if I wanted to go too.  The hurt that overwhelmed me was a complete surprise as I tried to hold in the tears that eventually streamed down my face. I’m usually not so bothered by this type of thing.

Could I have joined them? Sure. Unless I’m oblivious, they don’t NOT want me around.

Was I mad? Did I think they were purposely leaving me out? No.

I just wanted them to WANT me there. You know?

Something deep inside of me longs for the people who are home: my people. And more than anything, I’m sad that I don’t have that in the place where I spend 8-10 hours per day. I’m still searching, and asking God who else might need their “people” at work. Maybe I’m their people?


Photo by Molly Gold,

I do have those people who totally “get” me. The ones who really want me there and notice when I’m not. See Jenn over there with the big cookie? (Haha! She’ll kill me for using this one) The problem is that they live in my computer; they’re my blogging friends. More accurately, they live in towns and cities scattered across the country. Lots of them were together at a conference last weekend. My dear friend Jendi said she kept casually looking for me because it just felt like I should be there. I looked at their photos with love and longing. Maybe that’s why I became so sad yesterday.

I have these questions for God:

Why did you make me like this? Why does close community mean so much to me? Why am I so sensitive? I’ve been trying to develop a thicker skin, especially since entering the business world. It’s not working.

What do you want me to do with these feelings? Is there someone like me I need to be noticing?

For now, I will try to focus on being a blessing to people where I can. I’ll be a friend of Jesus and call on Him every day.

Tell me, have you ever felt this way? How did you deal with it.

About Sarah Pinnix

I'm a mom, blogger, vlogger, libertarian. I love Jesus, and my husband, too. Social Media Strategist for a Non-Profit (All statements here are solely my own)


  1. Oh Sarah…I feel your pain.. As a professional working mom..I have found a way to balance it all …well sometimes with the help of my ‘now teens’ and hubby. I too feel very out of place in social seems as if they will speak to me online but not in person? Weird right? Or I may be imagining it…nonetheless it hurts…I also can’t seem to relate to many of the moms I associate with at church…because even though we are moms, and homeschool, I still have a professional ‘job’ and an online job…I know crazy…but I do…sooo..all this to say …that I feel your pain…you are not alone and next time our paths meet I’ll be sure to give you a HUGE hug!! 🙂


  2. With tears in my eyes, thank you for writing this.


  3. Thanks for sharing this. I think we all go through it. I sure have!


  4. Oh – you are not alone and you’re not crazy. I know I feel this way, too, sometimes. I also have no immediate family, just a few cousins scattered across the south. I also relate to your feelings at real social gatherings where its so great and so awkward to meet and see your online friends in person. Life is confusing but also wonderful. Hang in there!


  5. Shannan P
    Twitter: slpowell

    Sending you love from inside your computer. I miss you terribly, my beautiful friend, and I hate that you’re so sad.


  6. This may sound crazy, but I’ve been afraid I’m the only one who feels this way. Thank you for sharing your feelings. You’re definitely not alone. At my last job, it was a struggle for me because the culture there was different than anything I was used to. You had to almost make appointments to eat lunch with certain girls. My go-to move usually is trying to just be friendly and ask to join, but my confidence was definitely squashed at my last job when two of my friends were like, “Oh, this is Tuesday. We only eat lunch with each other on Tuesday. Talk to me tomorrow. Maybe I can pencil you in.” I didn’t understand. I mean, sure, I understood that sometimes you just want one-on-one time or even two-on-two time with a certain person or group of people. But I was friends with all the people involved. Couldn’t they make an exception just once? It was a Christian ministry too. Shouldn’t Christians have some kind of radar for when people really need someone to be there for them and NOT be selfish? Apparently not.

    And the worst part? A Tuesday later one of the girls was like, “Oh I can have lunch with you because so-and-so isn’t here.” You know…because it’s every person’s dream to feel like a back-up plan.

    Even though I haven’t known you very long, I’ve got to say– it’s impossible for me to even consider someone not wanting to have lunch with you. If anything, it’s a lapse of sanity on their part where they are overcome with hunger and just leave for the cafeteria without even thinking.

    Yes, it hurts. I don’t know how to make it feel less personal besides trying to convince oneself to not consider it personal….and that can be impossible some days, I know.

    But long story short…let’s get lunch sometime soon. I think you’re awesome. And if anyone doesn’t want to have lunch with you, they’re bonafide loser nut jobs.


  7. Andrea
    Twitter: AndreaUpdyke

    Oh I can so relate to this. It’s really interesting that you touch on loneliness even as you go to an office. I have been a SAHM for 4.5 years and I often dream of going to an office to bandage up some of these lonely feelings. Feeling forgotten is an unwelcome place. I am so sorry you are going through this and I was so wishing I could have seen your face this weekend. You know I am not that far away 🙂 We should meet in the middle sometime for a squeeze.


  8. I know exactly what you mean- I’ve had 10 years of it. Everything in it’s season- we don’t know why we are placed in certain situations and what we’re supposed to learn but one thing is true- everything truly does work for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. And you, my dear friend, are on fire for Him and are truly called to be salt and light- no matter where you are, He shine through you.

    One thing I’ve learned is that you have to be deliberate. Do I do it? No!!! I’m guilty. I’ve been coming to have lunch with you for months but….you know how that goes. No excuses- just life. But you know what, when we blink and our “missing tooth buddies” are all grown, we’ll have lots of time- as for now, God must really think a lot of us because He’s put alot on our plates.



  9. I wish I had NO experience with what you’re going through. 🙂 I’ve never been used to having people care whether I’m there or not, so I kinda understand how you feel. On the other hand, I probably don’t fully understand, either. It hurts, sure, but I imagine it would hurt a lot worse if it’s a new experience. Social butterfly that you are, it’s probably just a shock to your system.

    I’ll bet that if your friends knew you noticed they were having a gathering and felt left out, they’d be very sorry, and really didn’t mean to leave you out. It was probably just because you’re in such high demand. You’re just built to nurture relationships. It’s a gift God gave you, and some part of that isn’t getting fulfilled right now while you learn to juggle it all. You’re a smart chick. You’ll figure out a way to work it all out. 🙂


  10. Amanda
    Twitter: highimpactmom

    OH my Sarah. How I truly long to be with you again! I miss you so much. Last weekend wasn’t the same, it felt like part of who “we” were was missing. I know just what Jenn meant by looking for you all weekend. You’re sparkling personality was missed…is missed. Counting the days till I see you again. Love you.


  11. Amy
    Twitter: amymchodges

    You are one of the first people I met in real life (Ha!) from the social media world and I will never forget your kindness to me. I have to give your questions a shot. I think close community means so much because God called us into it. We are created by God to crave the connection, not only to Him, but to each other. It is doubly hard when our lives are so busy and we have so little time to nurture our friendships. I am eternally grateful for the friends I have where time does not affect our relationship. I wish I had more time, and find myself craving quality face time with friends.
    Yes, sometimes we have to be tough, but God did not give us hearts of stone. I’m so thankful to know you. I will be holding you in my thoughts and prayers!


  12. I love you so very much. I can’t imagine how hard all of this is…to have your social structure shifted at it’s core. I DO know how painful it is to be away from some of the best people I know….because I’m away from you.

    And? You are the ONLY person on the planet who can get away with posting a picture of me with a giant cookie hanging out of my mouth 😉


  13. Oh Sarah,
    This is SO hard. And I think it’s true for all of us. There are moments in our lives that get crazy and hectic and we just want to feel wanted, needed and loved. I truly feel that everyone who works outside the home needs an “office BFF.” It’s not always possible, but on those crappy days, it helps. I pray that you find someone. And in the meantime, know you are loved.


  14. Jendi
    Twitter: jendisjournal

    I said it and it was really true – it seemed like you should have been there – right around the corner. At least twice I scanned the area for you thinking, “Sarah would love this!” Then I had to remind myself that you weren’t there. On the post conference survey I couldn’t put it was my most fantastic conference ever because you weren’t there.

    I struggle with close friends in real life. There’s something about the distance through the computer that makes them better for me. How strange is that? That doesn’t mean that I don’t get hurt sometimes when things are planned without our family even being aware of them. After I dump it all on my husband [my true BFF] I just tell myself that they can’t have me around because they are jealous of my awesome life. LOL Really, I do like you did – tell the Lord and find something to be thankful for.


  15. Nikki
    Twitter: Nikki_S

    You have me crying at my computer in the office. You see, I’m at work today and I’m blessed to have an out of the home full time gig that affords me part time hours at home and my full time job is social media so a part of me feels like I haven’t really left my work at home life at all but still… I get what you’re saying. I get it so much that this past weekend physically hurt to not be with my people.

    I’ve asked God these same questions and I’ve asked him why, though my community is so close must they be so far from me? Why did it take me so long to find them and why did he let me travel down so many other roads first? And why don’t I have more people in my day to day life like the ones that I do in my screen and across the country? I have these moments where talking to the people I see daily doesn’t cut it; I want and need more. I want to be surrounded by people who are as passionate as I am about this community and like you, I want them to care that I’m there.

    I don’t understand it and it makes me incredibly sad too. I wish that it didn’t bother me and it didn’t hurt so much to care as passionately as I do about this community.


  16. Nicolette says:

    I have cried and asked God the same questions. I too, have also felt that I am the I only one who feels this way. Thank you for sharing because of the simple fact that in reading this I now know I am not alone. HUGS!!


  17. Julie Meyers Pron
    Twitter: justprecious

    I want to leap into my screen and out of yours to give you that big awkward hug. I’ll never forget the lunch we met. I wish… we all wish… that we could be together more often. And we did miss you this weekend… a lot. Even so, I felt that some of you was there with us. Like we had your smile on our shoulders.

    I don’t know the answers to your questions… but I do know that we’re all friends for a reason and that we need to make time to all be together IRL… it’s just finding that time and opportunity in common is so hard.

    As for local friends, I so understand. Having drifted through groups of friends, it’s hard to just jump in and I think we always wonder. But the good news is that everyone wonders. And everyone craves community and warmth and love. Know that you aren’t alone.


  18. Floscee says:

    In these cases, I find that God is trying to get us to look inward to see what it is that we need to fix. Is there unforgiveness, is there a place in my heart or family where there is a lack of unresolved peace. I know that feeling and I know I had to get those things right or forever I would be feeling like people were walking out of the room without me. It is a feeling of self-induced rejection.

    You do not know me, but I can identify with your feelings and I offer you that “peace beyond all understanding”, that comes with starting with your closest relationships and moving outward. You have your relationship with God and He loves you ennough to want you to work it out. When you do, you will know longer feel like anyone has walked out on you, without you or because of you again.

    I know you will find that peace and will be able to share it with others real soon. Many blessings to you.


  19. Lauralee
    Twitter: lauraleemoss

    Yeah, I get it. I have been up and down with all my switches – working mom outside the home, working at home, not working at all. I don’t know. It is hard, and there is not enough time. It’s frustrating for sure, but you are not alone.


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