Woman to Woman – The Latest Baby Stuff
June 12, 2007 by Sarah
Filed under Read These!
When I had my first child, I felt pressure not only to have the best things, but also to do certain things. I really had everything I could want for her, I was prepared. But I didn’t prepare myself emotionally for what was in store, which is way more important. I thought I’d first list some things I thought I needed, and why I didn’t.
- A wipe warmer: while it was a blessing, I realized I wanted the wipes cold, so they would wake her up after eating!
- The most expensive Medela electric breast pump, since she was premature, and couldn’t nurse. Well, pumping triggered violent panic attacks, so I had to say goodbye to the pump! Plus, the Avent Isis hand pump works way better, I always got more milk with my 2nd and 3rd babies (whom I did breastfeed) than the electric!
- Nursing shirts: these are, in my opinion, more trouble than they are worth. A t-shirt or cami under a button-down did the trick for me! And you can wear them after nursing!! (If the girls are still the same size, I’m just sayin’) No wasted $$$.
- The best newborn clothes money could buy: They always get poop and spit-up on them anyway. Save the fancy stuff for church and pictures!
- All those black and white patterned toys that were supposed to make babies smarter: a baby would much rather look at a loving face than a bunch of dots.
Now, to the internals! Before I had my fist child, I read all kinds of books, took classes, and thought I had figured out exactly how my baby would be, and how I would be with my baby. The first thing I was determined to do was breastfeed. Now, I love breastfeeding, and did it with DDs 2 and 3, I am all for it, but it is not the end of the world if your baby does not get breast milk for 2 full years! (I know there are some who would disagree on this point) I devoured all the research, and was convinced we’d be homeless if we had to pay for formula. There is even one study which says, “In every case, breastfed babies had higher IQs than bottle-fed.” (I can’t get to the reference right now, but I will add it later) Imagine what this would do to a mother who physically can’t breastfeed!
And it happened to me. My daughter was 6 weeks premature because I had Preeclampsia, and she did not have a sucking reflex. They had to feed her through a tube for about 10 days. After going home, I had to put her to the breast, then feed her a bottle, then pump every 2 hours. I’m sure there are some of you who could do this without going insane, but not me. I started having panic attacks and severe PPD, until I realized that a breast-fed baby with an insane mom was NOT better than a bottle-fed baby with a functioning mom. I got some professional help, which was very important, but I also got some perspective. If we had done everything the way nature intended, I and the baby would not be alive today!
There are so many things that I thought were so important. Sleep and feeding schedules, home-made babyfood, organic laundry detergent, playgroups, etc. And while all that stuff may have been good, what really matters is prayer, love and time with your baby. So, my advice to a new mom would be this:
Sure, make a plan, decide what things are important to you as a mom and to your family. Read books and research. But don’t freak out if everything doesn’t go according to that plan. It most certainly will not. Realize what I didn’t. That the best part about being a mom is growing along with your baby, discovering your new life together. And most importantly, rely on God, not yourself, to get you through those first harrowing months of this adventure called motherhood.
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Excellent advice!
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Some of the wisest advice comes from those who have tried something and found it unnecessary. Your tips and knowledge are very informative and I’m glad you shared them here today.
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Such a good post! And great advice. I only wish someone had told me that nursing wasn’t easy. I struggled so much with it and was only able to nurse 1 of my 3 babies. It’s just so hard to see the big picture those first couple of months when you are so tired and worn out and are responsible for such a tiny little life.
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Things rarely go as planned when a new baby enters the picture… thank you for sharing your experience!
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I went for a much cheaper electic pump. The Medela comes in a cute bag, but my Ameda pump was fantastic (I also have the Isis though and am not having much luck with it…very frustrated). I agree on the nursing shirts too, not necessary. That’s why I love my sling…I can nurse discreetly without buying a new wardrobe.
I enjoyed this post! Isn’t it funny how perspective changes once the baby is here (and with babies that follow)?
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Good advise here for those who’ve been trying to decide what’s essential and what’s not!
Babies need to have their basic needs met and you seemed to quickly determine that.
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I completely agree with your advice…
another non-essential for me was the “boppy”…so cute…and good for multiple uses…and such a waste of $30-40 when a pillow you already have works just as well…
the item I think I found to be most essential to me…was other moms…their support and encouragement is invaluable…but a sling is a very close second!!!
blessings, mamabright
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As much as I hesitate to comment on a post about breast feeding… I have to offer the male perspective!
No man will admit it, but the breast pump completely freaks us out. I’ll never forget the first time I walked in on my wife pumping. The sounds, the sights… I nearly fainted. It was like something out of a Stanley Kubrick Sci-Fi movie gone terribly wrong. I didn’t know what to do so I just quickly walked through the room without saying anything. Much like a 12 year old boy wanting to learn about the birds and the bees but is too embarrassed to ask, a quick Google search cleared things up for me.
Trust me, you not only saved your mental health but your husband’s as well…
(Required male disclaimer: I am neither advocating or discouraging the beautiful and nutritious act of breast feeding or the use of breast pumps. I am a man, and therefore one must assume I am clueless about anything involving feminine hygiene, breast feeding, feelings, or why women go to restrooms in packs.)
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Amen! I am a firm believer that you must do what is right for your family in every situation. God will give guidence and He has given us common sense. Yeah for you! Great post.
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You nailed it right on the head! Babies just need their mothers.
Ben’s comments cracked me up!
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Ben, I’m ROFL!!
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I believe it makes life much easier when one first looks at the ‘inside’ of all.
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This is great advice! Great post!
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“Here, here!” to the comment about nursing shirts. I also felt that way about nursing bras. I never could re-hook the blasted things without proclaiming to the whole world what I was doing. I found that a loose fitting sports bra could be pushed up and pulled down in a blink of an eye. Now, my sister does the nursing bras AND nursing shirts and she must be much more coordinated than I am because I can never tell what she is doing (so maybe I shouldn’t lay blame on the products themselves).
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What a great post!! I have just come to a new phase with my daughter, she is going to be 4 in August. She is also starting pre-school this fall. It seems like all of a sudden she is getting things. All of my repeating myself, wondering when she would understand the rules, wondering when she would be considerate of her brother and many other needless panics – my baby is going to begin the process of school. I felt like some stages would last FOREVER. I over-reacted at times, I didn’t enjoy the moment we were in at other times – so focused on creating a kind child. She is kind, she is obedient, she is loving, she is considerate – but she was 3. This epiphany made me realize alot of the daily grind we get caught up in is just a phase. I knew that, but I think we all over-react to delimnas with our 1st born. We don’t know what is a phase and what is a character issue. I am intentionally relaxing more when things aren’t perfect now!! Thanks for the reminder.
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bravo, bravo. I bottle feed my first two out of choice and well being. I do not blame their learning disabilities on the bottle.
Breastfeeding is best but the guilt trip out there about bottle feeding formula is awful.
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I have 3 children of my own and I teach preschool. I can tell you breatfeed or bottle feed, the most important thing is to have parents that are invested in the children’s life. I can’t always determine academically or behaviorally which children have been breatfeed, but I can usually tell which children have parents that are invested in nurturing and loving them.
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I have seen that wonderful little tidbit of information (that’s HEAVY sarcasm there) about breastfed children having higher IQ’s before. I hate, hate, hate that! My now ten year old son was bottle fed formula. Let me tell you… he is one of the brightest kids I have ever met. He has always been top of the class, straight A’s, was reading books at age 4, and is the best problem solver. Some of that comes from me spending time working with him at an early age and some of it comes just from him I think.
The comments you made about the most important thing being to spend time with your children is so right on! My second son was adopted from an orphange in Kazakhstan at 15 months old. Since he has come home it is AMAZING how much he has grown developmentally and in such a short time. Love and attention go a long way in helping children to grow in so many ways.
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I had the same experience with my oldest son who was premature with problems. Breastfeeding could not happen. He is my only child by birth. Breastfeeding doesn’t determine good mommy or bad mommy…life just happens while we’re making plans.
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Glad to discover your blog…I COMPLETELY agree that having a sane mom is more important than a LOT of things, including breastfeeding. We each find our own path as we explore how to cope with whatever cards we are dealt. You found what was right for YOU and YOUR CHILD, that’s what matters. I breastfed my first child till he got teeth. My second one came during a very chaotic time in my life when it simply wasn’t feasible. When I needed support the most I felt innundated by lactation nazis who insisted I was letting my son down every time I put a bottle in his mouth. He turned out fine and so did I.
I look forward to exploring other parts of your blog.
Blessings!
B.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts today. Great advise!
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